Hey, it’s Starbuck! And she’s all bloodied with someone else’s blood. Now she’s flying on her own and now she’s been shot. Don’t worry, she’s not a Cylon (or is she?) so she won’t download into another Starbuck (or will she?).

Jamie’s little sister is living with her, and little sister hates big sister.

Jamie is pregnant, and her boyfriend is doing bionic research. And she tells him she’s pregnant, and he asks her to marry him, and they get hit by a semi and wrap their car around a light pole. Starbuck gets out of the semi and starts toward the car. Dun dun dunnnnn.

After the break, Jamie is being flown to the hospital… no, to Wolf Creek Bioresearch Facility, which is where Starbuck was earlier when she was shot. They’re losing the baby’s heartbeat, and Jamie has no legs and no right arm. Boyfriend tells them to prep Jamie. To become BIONIC! I guess he loves her that much. He wants to save her.

This train is jumping all over the tracks. Starbuck again, and she’s asking another guy (not the guy from the first scene, I don’t think) if he loves her.

Jamie wakes up and finds out about her new legs, new arm, new eye, new ear. And she’s lost the baby, but the boyfriend says she can get pregnant again. Yes, I’m sure that’s a comfort. Jamie freaks out and throws boyfriend across the room accidentally.

The guy from the beginning who looks like Grant Imahara (sp?) is meeting with people from the super-secret-clearance-required facility. They want him to evaluate Jamie or something. And they’re all worried about her figuring out that they can’t keep her against her will.

Jamie is getting tetchy at the facility. They interview her. They tell her boyfriend they’re gonna turn her into a soldier, and he protests. She draws Starbuck. Grant Imahara and a research lady see the Starbuck picture and wonder how she’s not dead. And the alarms go off, and boyfriend is helping Jamie escape.

They figure out that Starbuck, the original Bionic Woman, was trying to kill the doctor, Jamie’s boyfriend.

The Chief (from BSG) is sitting talking with Starbuck’s new boyfriend. And now boyfriend is threatening him to break some guy out of jail or else he’ll give him a giant atomic wedgie.

Starbuck’s new boyfriend’s apartment is empty except for writing on the wall. “You failed me.” Uh-oh.

Badger (from Firefly) is in prison, and he is the doctor’s dad. The doctor is Will. Grant Imahara is there to find out how he helped Sarah, the original Bionic Woman, formerly known as Starbuck.

Sarahbuck comes to visit Jamie at her bartending job and taunts her a little. Jamie’s eye and ear start to come online, and it makes her throw-up sick. Sarahbuck helps her clean up in the bathroom, and back in the bar, Sarahbuck whispers from far away for Jamie to say hi to everyone.

Outside, Jamie gets accosted and threatened by a deadbeat, and Jamie kicks his pinkytoe. Girl power! Bionic girl power.

Jamie asks Will what he did to her, and he admits that she has microchips in her brain. I can kill you with my brain. He also admits that she has soldier training in her brain.

They do it, and they have a chat. “Technology’s at the point where science fiction isn’t fiction anymore.” Oh, I guess I should put this in my drama category then?

Sarahbuck shows up on a building far away and snipes through the window, hitting Will. He’s later taken away in an ambulance. Sarahbuck’s old trainer and boyfriend shows up, and when she sees him, she backs off. Jamie hunts her down. They have a fun chat when Sarahbuck calls time out for a smoke. She tells Jamie she’s the first Bionic Woman. Then she calls time in, and they have a wicked cool cat fight. And I’m pretty sure Sydney Bristow has fought on that rooftop before. Someone has, anyway. That pyramid glass is always getting broken. Poor skylight.

After the chick fight, which is funny because Jamie only has one bionic arm, and Sarahbuck has two, Sarahbuck walks off and tells Jamie she’s a fast learner.

Frank’s like, “I just don’t buy her going from bartender to martial arts-fighting soldier in such a short period of time.”
My response is, “She has tiny microchips in her brain. And technology’s at the point where science fiction isn’t fiction anymore.”
“Ohhhhhhhh. I see.”

We have so much fun watching TV together.

Now Badger (Will’s dad) and some other guy are in the mountains on a mission. Maybe Sarahbuck couldn’t be killed because she’s never seen the sky behind Mt. Subasio.

Jamie agrees with the man in charge of the research project that she’ll join whatever it is they’re doing, but it has to be on her terms. And she tells him hi from Sarah Corvis.

We enjoyed it. Next week looks even funner.