My Life On The D-List Apprentice
Last night Celebrity Apprentice, or, more accurately, D-List Apprentice, premiered on NBC. The casting of this show makes Surreal Life look stellar by comparison. The “celebrities” are: Merilu Henner (a celebrity in the 1970s), Piers Morgan (a British celebrity–even that is a stretch), Nelly Galan (a Latina celebrity–I’ll take their word for it), Trace Adkins ( a country music celebrity–I’ll take their word for it), Gene Simmons (a 70s and 90s celebrity), Carol Alt (a former supermodel(?) celebrity), Jennie Finch (never a celebrity under any definition of the term), Lennox Lewis (a boxing celebrity), Tito Ortiz (an ultimate fighter celebrity), Vinnie Pastore (rounding the 9th year of his 15 minutes of celebrity– looking quite fat after a successful stint on Celebrity Fit Club a few years back), Omorosa (possessing the air of celebrity without ever having actually acquired it), Stephen Baldwin (briefly a celebrity so long ago I do not remember why), Tiffany Fallon (a Playmate of the Year celebrity), Nadia Comeneci (a 70s celebrity). We start with a heavily abbreviated theme. Either they expect we already know everyone by sight, or, far more probably, they are ashamed to claim their cast as “celebrities”. Sadly, Trump’s daughter and Omorosa are probably the biggest stars on this show after the Donald.
The “celebrities” are split into male/female teams, and Omorosa forces her way to be team leader. The ladies name themselves Impressario (which is one of the better team names ever chosen ). The guys are headed by Stephen Baldwin, and pick Hydra (which also is a great name). Gene Simmons confused Cerebrus with Hydra, but it is a good choice nonetheless. At the very least, these folks know how to brand themselves.
The teams gather in the boardroom, where the Donald informs them they will be selling hot dogs. The Donald stresses that the average hot dog is $1.00, but they should be able to sell them for a lot more since they are “celebrities.” What does Omarosa take from this–that they should focus on pure sales skills and ignore the celebrity aspect of their task. Apparently she is the same disaster today as she was several years ago. The ladies pick a location near Penn Station (which I seem to recall is a bit off the beaten track for tourists), and the guys chose Rockefeller Center (where every tourist inevitably makes his way). The guys have an immediate advantage. Then, Gene Simmons starts calling rich friends to come down to buy hot dogs for charity at huge sums. It is such an obvious idea, that I’m a little surprised that no one else seemed to think of it. The ladies get dressed up in stupid t-shirts and hats, and start hawking their hot dogs for $5.00–they are doomed. Eventually, Marilu Henner realizes that maybe she should call in some rich fans to pitch in huge sums, and makes some last minute calls. None of the other females follows suit.
Mayor Bloomberg visits both hot dog stands with the Donald. I wonder if anyone told him how peripheral these “celebrities” were before he hopped in his limo. Meanwhile, Piers is turning away anyone who won’t pay top dollar their hot dogs–I like the way this guy operates. Eventually Tito Ortiz’s girlfriend–porn star Jenna Jameson shows up–yuck! Even if you could get past her past, she looks like she’s had a ton of bad plastic surgery performed on her face.
We cut to the boardroom, where we learn that the men SLAUGHTERED the females. Apparently all of Gene’s pals came through–they made $52,000. The women only raised $17,000, and that was only because Marilu pulled in $11,000 on her own. Baldwin gives Gene Simmons props for the victory, and Piers takes some gratuitous shots at Omarossa. Omarossa clearly should be fired, but that would not make for very good television. So, the Donald fires the Playboy playmate because she is so demure.
This show is a train wreck, but I live near the tracks, and it’s my day off, so I’ll stick around at least one more episode . . .
5 Snarkbacks to “My Life On The D-List Apprentice”
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January 4th, 2008 at 11:57 pm
Cadet Happy:
Your spelling skills are a bit weak. You spelled her name Omorosa, Omarosa(the correct one), and Omarossa. Please adopt one and stick with it, even if it is wrong!
[SK: apskip, he may be a weak speller, but he’s OUR weak speller. And you are a tinge rude. The way to politely correct someone’s blog spelling is in an email. Otherwise, you just look like an insufferable little know-it-all. :-) Mwah.]
January 5th, 2008 at 3:16 pm
Yo, Trace Adkins is a big country music name. Maybe if you would listen to some good music now and then, you’d know that. Of course, I can’t tell you anything he sings.
January 5th, 2008 at 5:40 pm
As a fan of Gene Simmons Family Jewels, I just had to watch this show, even though I have never watched any of The Apprentices.
If you ever watch GSFJ, you would know that Gene co- owns and runs a marketing company, and he is always looking for ways to market and make money. He really is not just another dumb rock star, he was a teacher among other things before he became famous.
You are so right-Omerosa really needs to go-she is divisive.
January 7th, 2008 at 2:10 am
I do like Gene Simmons–he is one of the few people who are legitimate celebrities on this show.
They should have waited to cast this until after the writer’s strike started.
January 9th, 2008 at 2:16 pm
It was obvious what was happening in the board room, too - Omarosa was after Alt, who is a future threat, rather than playmate, who was never going to be a factor. In other words, she was thinking of herself rather than her team. That’s poor strategy in the early going of a reality competition like this. You want to build the goodwill early, and have something to trade on later if you have an off week.