As you might recall, I despised Torchwood Series 1. The characters were unlikeable and downright despicable, and the plot twists were absurd (don’t get me started with that idiotic Cyberwoman story). I had loved Captain Jack Harkness in the Doctor Who series, but not even his character could save Series 1–in fact, he was a bit of an over-dramatic downer. I had hoped some of Jack’s lost magic would be recaptured in his return to Doctor Who last season, but even that disappointed me. So, by long way of introduction, I expect almost nothing from Series 2.

We start out with a blowfish-headed dude tearing around in a convertible. The team, minus Jack, who has mysteriously disappeared, are in pursuit. Own, who is driving, decides to lean out the window and shoot out the tires. Why one of the three other people in vehicle wouldn’t have done so is beyond me. This is a bad sign. Owen blows out the tires, and fish guy holds a family hostage, and goes off on a long monologue about how the group is lost without Jack. Of course, Jack shows up, and quickly dispatches the fish.

Cut to headquarters, where everyone is angry Jack left without warning. Jack apologizes for leaving without warning. All of a sudden a bad-a$$ comes out of the rift, and starts killing bad guys and partying it up. The guys got swagger and flair. He’s dressed in a regimental jacket, but has some futuristic guns. Jack gets a hologram message from Captain Bad-A$$, and meets up with him at the bar. They approach each other menacingly, start kissing (ewwww), then start beating the crap out of each other. Man, this series would get so much better if the rest of the team would just get vaporized. They beat each other up, eventually pull guns on each other, then decide to have a drink. The whole episode is terribly cliched, but it works anyway.

As I would expect, Mr. Bad-A$$ is from the mysterious “Time Agency”, which has been shut down, and there are only 7 surviving former members. The rest of the team shows up, and sexual innuendo is non-stop. He explains he’s there to take care of some bombs that slipped through the rift. His back story is clearly rubbish, so I can’t wait to see what he really wants. They take him to Torchwood, and proceed to disarm him (another big cliche–weapon after weapon is taken).

Gwen gets Jack alone and whines about him leaving, and he explains he “knew he belonged here” and returned–what a load of rubbish. She announces she is getting married to her boyfriend (despite the fact she cheated on him shamelessly last season).

The team goes out searching the loading docks for the devices. They don’t seem to be using any tracking devices, which makes little sense. Captain Bad-A$$ warns Gwen about not trusting Jack, and they find one of the cannisters. He forcibly kisses her, which paralyzes her out with some type of poison. He takes her phone, and runs off leaving her to die–she only has two hours to live. If he really wanted her dead, why didn’t he just shoot her?

Owen and Toshinko find the other cannister, and Captain Bad-A$$ shows up to take it. He disarms them and takes their guns. He threatens Owen with a cricket bat and a gun, and–man I hope this is correct–he shoots Owen. Unfortunately, I suppose he will live.

Cut to Jack and Ianto, who are improbably flirting, and searching an office. Captain Bad-A$$ disarms Ianto, and sends him off to save the others. He explains (basically), that he is a greedy nihlist. I’ll take him at his word, he’s an interesting character. The inevitable showdown with Captain Jack takes place on the roof. He tempts Jack to team up with him and take over the galaxy, and all that. He eventually pushes Jack off the roof, apparently unaware that Jack can’t be killed.

Ianto is running off to find his friends. Gwen is still paralyzed, and Owen is shot, but, sadly, alive. Ianto finds Owen and Toshinko almost instantaneously–which makes no sense. They triangulate the location of Gwen’s last call (which is kind of clever), and find her. She’s almost dead, but they figure out how to revive her.

Back with the Captains, where Captain Bad-A$$ is signaling a little remorse to his dead friend. He doesn’t know that Jack is going to get back up anytime now. Captain Bad-A$$ goes to Torchwood, where he is snuck up on the team. Not quite sure how they managed that. Jack explains that he cannot die, and Captain Bad-A$$ is rattled. He opens a cube thing that belonged to the woman he killed to get at a diamond, and a bomb attaches to him (as the person who killed her). He only has 10 minutes to live. He predictably attaches himself to Gwen, with, of course, cuffs that cannot be removed without a special key, which he swallows.

Gwen determines to drag them both into the rift, so that the city will be saved even if they are not. The team drives off without Jack and Owen, who are working some plan. Jack tackles Captain Bad-A$$ and injects him with some liquid that presumably changes his DNA. The bomb releases, and Jack throws it into the rift, where it explodes, reverting time back to the moment Captain Bad-A$$ showed up. Owen explains how they changed his DNA, which makes no sense at all. They could have at least used some type of alien ray, or something. Captain Bad-A$$ regurgitates the key, and Gwen punches him. Jack and he kiss, and he’s off, but not before telling Jack he found someone from his past. I suppose we’ll have to wait til the season finale to see where that goes.

Overall, a good, solid episode. Not genius by any means, but Captain Bad-A$$ is a good character that looks to reappear down the line.

Incidentally, Torchwood is part of “Supernatural Saturday” on BBC-America. I’m not sure why they just couldn’t say Sci-Fi Saturday, as Torchwood is a lot more sci-fi than anything else. Also, they also claimed it was “Comedy Saturday” because Graham Norton was on–hilariously, they recommend closed captioning so that Americans can figure out what is being said!