Ryan just said, “This is American Idol.” Weeeeird. He didn’t say, “This! … is A…merican Idol.”

Frank and I want to know why Randy is always being so mean to the contestants and making them cry. Ryan wants to know if Simon was angry last night. “I wasn’t angry. More like full of hate.” He didn’t really say that.

“Reeling in the Years.” That’s the group song. Really? The whole Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, and we go with that? Not that I don’t like it, but come on. Did David Archuleta pick it? Reel in the years, peeps. Anyway, group songs keep getting worse and worse.

Oh yeah. I forgot to tell y’all what I did last night. When I was working on the post, I worked in song titles from previous Idol contestants and/or winners. I think there are 16 song titles in there, excluding any explicitly mentioned. If you want to play along, give me title and artist. Winner receives a big bag of high praise. From me!

Archuleta is safe.

Someone should tell Jason that people sleep on airplanes all the time. “Sleeping in the aiiiiir. Cooooool.”

I call shenanigans on the makeovers. Did Jason even get one? They didn’t even touch his hair.

David Cook is safe.

Ryan calls out Jason and Syesha and says, “The person… leaving us… this week… is…” Jason interrupts. “Are you gonna tell us now?” “No. I’m gonna take a break.” Now that would be some Idol drama, dropping the other shoe halfway in, before the guests and the crappy Ford commercial. I reckon I’d pee my pants.

Speaking of crappy Ford commercials, all the idols are dressed like freaky gay matadors and singing “Ring of Fire” while trying to tame KITT. Wow, those pantaloons. I guess we can call this one an Increasingly Decent Ford Commercial.

No more free previews on the lame viewer questions. We have to see them as Ryan reads them.

So some delusionally hopeful individual named Emily asks David Cook if he’ll go on a date with her on her birthday, which happens to be when he will be in her hometown on tour. David fumbles around for the nicest way to say, “Um, no” and ends up with a phrase that can only be interpreted “absolutely not.” “We’ll see.” Ouch.

A little tweener has called in to ask everyone (anyone can answer!) what has been their biggest challenge. Ooh! Ooh! Pick me! I’ll go! SARAHK: My biggest challenge is not hunting down all the people who call in with lame questions and extracting the five minutes they each took from my life right out of their faces. Notice I said lame questions, therefore excluding Tah-ra Miller, whose phone call left me giddy all day last Thursday. It doesn’t take much, dudes. Oh, while I’m at it, let me answer for the cast. JASON: Remembering lyrics. DAVID A: Singing without an agenda. No, scratch that. Being not tiny. Still haven’t gotten there. SYESHA: *SOBBBBBB* Keeping the girls on the inside of the clothes. And not wearing earrings that crush SarahK’s soul. SARAHK: So nice to be mentioned. DAVID C: Knowing for, like, EVER that I’m gonna win and having to wait it out. RYAN: Getting to sleep each night. I count Simons, and they’re just so pretty that I can’t stop counting. PAULER: Ryan, I liked your first two questions, but the third question has left me and my glass kinda empty. Garson! [Not sure how to spell that.] SIMON: Being with you losers every night. And being so brilliant. And being so s-e-x-x-y.

Syesha says stagefright. Archuleta doesn’t know. Jason says, “The brain being dead.” Amen. Anyway, my answers were better.

Why hasn’t Simon been k-nigitted by the Queen yet? Simon says good point, it’s a very good question, something he asks himself on a daily basis, “So, um, Your Majesty, if you’re watching, I’m available.”

How does Syesha feel being the only girl in the top four? Is she proud? She can’t really talk about some uncomfortableness, but the guys are funny or something.

Simon could be the next James Bond. Has he ever acted? Um, remember that scene with Pauler. “I’m loving the questions this week.” Wow, Rachl Lukis was right about the fauxhawk on Ryan. I could cut sushi rolls with that.

Didn’t Maroon 5 perform late last year too? The lead singer’s voice (is his name Adam Levine? I can’t remember.) seems to get higher as he ages. I have always loved his voice. He does creep me out a bit, though, if I’m being oh-nest. He’s wearing a girl’s suit. Now he’s talking, and he’s kinda geeky.

Bo Bice performing “Witness.” SarahK fading out. Is it the weekend yet? No? Darn. Huh. I’m loving this, no surprise there. But the huh is because he is pronunciating (thank you so much, Diana Ross) like Dave Matthews. He’s using one of those modulator thingies. I think those props are good in studios but goofy onstage. Ryan looks bored. Well, that was great. Maybe we should buy his latest CD.

Dude. Ryan asks Bo what he thinks about the contestants getting to use instruments this year. He thinks it’s great, thinks some of them took risks using them, some maybe stayed behind the instruments too much, and it’s been a good mix. He is a nice guy, and every time he talks about Idol or to Idol, I am thrilled with how genuinely nice he seems.

Right on.

Are we done yet? My body hurts, and I’m tired like the wolf.

Ryan says, “You sang most of ‘Tambourine Man.’” Jason says, “Somebody told me that I shot the tambourine man yesterday.” Hahahahaha. I wish it had been me. Funny because it’s true.

Jason is out. No, don’t celebrate him home, Ruben. Just shut your pie hole so I can watch the clip and sigh.

I still want him to put out an album. I’ll be all over that. Oh, come on, don’t do the Marley one! Shoot the tambourine man!

Oh well.

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