Awesome. Two hours of elimination. I thought they were getting rid of the two hour eliminations. Boo.

This judges’ mansion is pretty posh. Oh, wicked! Lots of them have to sing for their spots in the top thirty-six! I am suddenly excited about the two hours, now that they have to do sing-offs. But considering that Leland left a big screaming NO in my comments, I’m assuming Tatiana makes it through, and that’s going to make me yarf and possibly slit my wrists, depending on whether Danny and Scott make it.

Anoop Desai is in first. I don’t know why, but I haven’t been all that into him. I mean, he’s very good, so I don’t know why I’m not jumping for joy that he’s in. -1

For the record, I soooo want one of those floofy red chairs that the judges are sitting in. Please, someone, send me one. I’ll post a picture of myself sitting in it. Kthx.

Von Smith is next, and he’s going on and on about being a self-indulgent child. On and on. Finally they stop him and tell him he’s in. Really? Yes, he’s great for YouTube, but I don’t see him as the next Idol. However, this will jump start his Broadway career, and I do think he’ll be fabulous there, so welcome to the top thirty-six, Von. -2

Cody Sheldon is the amateur horror filmmaker. He’s gonna have to do a singoff. He starts off iffy, but then he’s good, and I’m loving the voice. Loving. Alex Wagner-Trugman is the guy he’s singing off against, and they’re friends. And he’s singing George Michael, and I really liked Cody much better. Wha? They’re sending Cody home and keeping Alex. I disagree with that decision. Alex is good, but he won’t make it past his first week with America voting. Expert opinion there, kids. -3

Adam Lambert is next. His final song this week was awful. Sounded too much like actual Cher and also? Screechy. But he was good until then. And I don’t remember who asked, but yes, Nathaniel is way gayer. Not that that has anything to do with my musical opinions. Simon tries to pretend like he’s going home, but the girls are about to explode with happiness, so I’m not falling for it. Adam’s in. -4

Taylor Vaifanua had a bad Hollywood week but a good last performance in Hollywood. She was an early judges’ favorite. Randy welcomes her to season eight. -5

Jasmine Murray is in. Arianna Afsar and Casey Carlson are in. Megan Corkrey, Mishavonna Henson, Stevie Wright are all in. Yay for Stevie! -11

Joanna Pacitti is next. She forgot her lyrics in every song in Hollywood week. It’s kind of inexcusable if they let her in. Kara wants to know, after her label deals and everything always falling through, when is her time to break out and show who she is as an artist. Remember, this is the girl that Kara recognized from the label in her audition. Simon says that when someone gives her a chance, that’s when she’ll break out, blah blah. They’re gonna let her in, and I’m sorry, but forgetting your lyrics every time? If she does it when I’m voting, I’m out, because she’s the perpetual forgetter. She’s in, and I truly think it’s because the producers know that she’ll be a big ratings grab with the controversy over her previous record deal. I hope she surprises me. -12

T.K. Hash, Chris Chatman, Reggi Beasley are out.

Kendall Beard didn’t excite the judges in Hollywood week. She’s shaking hard. And she’s in. Ok, then. -13

Jenn Korbee and her husband were both in Hollywood, and he got sent home after group day. They are undecided on her, and she sings off against Kristin Macnamara. Since they’ve been showcasing Fakey McTiredvoicerson, I assume Kristin gets in. Jenn was pretty good but could have picked a much better song. Kristin is okay, way too warbly for me, way too been-there-heard-that. Oh, and she’s fake nervous and really annoying. Simon wants to put in the attractive blonde girl. Kara says they should just parade in models, and Simon likes that. One of the girl judges says that Kristin is more interesting, and Simon disagrees. I have to agree with Simon, but maybe if I’d seen behind-the-scenes with Jenn in Hollywood week, I wouldn’t like her either. Kara tells Jenn that she’s truly beautiful. Simon says, “And that’s the problem.” Pauler tells Kristin she has an identity crisis. They don’t understand her whole look. Simon gets tired of the bull crap and says that Kristin has made it through, but that he completely disagrees with the decision. Jenn looks shocked, and Kristin looks fake happy-surprised. -14

Alexis Grace knows she’ll miss her daughter if she makes it, but she thinks this is going to be good for them. She has an awesome voice. Seriously, close your eyes, and you think she’s a black soul singer. She’s in. -15

Scott Macintyre is next. I love him and really want him in the competition. HE’S IN! Top three, easily. I love him. -16

Lil Rounds is up. We know she’s going to make it, yes? Oh, those earrings, as you can imagine, are crushing my soul. They try the suspense thing, but come on, we knew she would make it. She’s in. -17

Felicia Barton didn’t get a unanimous decision. She’s out. Ashley Hollister is out, unanimously. Devon Baldwin is out.

Frankie Jordan’s bra straps aren’t inside her shirt. Kids these days. She’s gonna sing off against Jesse Langseth. She’s the Amy Winehouse lookalike, without the powdery nose. She isn’t doing well on her singoff. The song is wrong. Not so good. For me, Jesse isn’t that good either, and her song is all wrong. Simon tells Frankie that she made it easier, and he tells Jesse that she picked a horrible song. They say neither but call the girls back in. Jesse’s in, and Simon tells Frankie, “If it’s any consolation, you wouldn’t have won anyway.” I love it when he says that, because he’s not saying it to me. (But I wouldn’t have won anyway.) That doesn’t make Frankie happy, and he tells her that he doesn’t want her to feel like she’s just missed her one big opportunity, because she wouldn’t have won. And then he tells Jesse, “But based on that, you don’t deserve it either.” Or something like that. I agree with that assessment. Neither. -18

If Danny and Jamar have to sing off against each other, I’m going to hurt someone. Poor Rowdi, she’s nearest right now.

Don’t forget! Dollhouse! Joss! Eliza! Friday night! (Also Summer Glau! Terminator!)

Shera Lawrence is out. Derik Lavers is out.

Allison Iraheta is 16. The judges liked her in Hollywood. I love her fiery fake red hair. Pauler should never try to keep a straight face, because she sucks at it. She’s in. -19

Danny and Jamar were both great and loved in Hollywood week. Danny Gokey’s up. Please please please. And yes, the Robert Downey Jr. lookalikeyness doesn’t hurt, but that voice is just yummy. Reminds me of Elliott’s voice but even better. Danny says you can always get better, and Simon says you have to be relevant and different. Do you think you are? Yes. I’m crying, because he’s in. And he’s hugging Jamar, and with all the hugging, those two are totally Turk & JD. -20

Jamar Rogers is next. Kahra tells Jamar she isn’t sure that his risks in Hollywood paid off for him. Um… what? He’s out. I’m flabbergasted by that one. I mean, look back through the list and tell me he shouldn’t be in. Jamar is shocked, Danny is shocked. The whole room is shocked. SarahK is just… WHAT? I totally don’t get it.

Ricky Braddy is in. Matt Giraud. Ju’not Joyner. Jorge Nunez. Brent Keith, who has two first names. -25

Stephen Fowler, who forgot his words on the last day in Hollywood, is up. You know what, though? No one who gets in now is going to make me happy. This guy’s in, and Jamar is out. I don’t get it. I mean, Jamar wasn’t my favorite, but he was definitely top 36. -26

I’ve gone very whatevs with my mood here. Nick Mitchell is next, and he’s probably in, because it’s a TV show above all else. He says he would clean Simon’s 20 cars, be Pauler’s new butler, wear a bikini if he has to. The judges say they spent more time deliberating over him than any other contestant. Nick has shown up as serious Nick and not Norman Gentle. Pauler says that if he changes his act now, he may as well not have come to the audition. So they want him to show up and be the comedy guy. Kara doesn’t like the subdued, serious Nick, and he says his dream would be to show up and sing and do the comedy act with it. Pauler says that because of that, he’s in. I can tell you now. He’s gonna win. Between the comedy, the good voice, and VFTW (who will be in their own little cupcake-filled heaven), he’s going to win season 8. There’s your next Idol, America. -27

If I had a pencil, I’d throw it up in the air and walk off screen right now. But I get it. It’s TV. And the funny girl in me really likes him, so okay, fine. Welcome to the top 36.

He asks Simon if he can hug him. “Yes, you can. In a manly sort of way.”

Jackie Tohn sounds like she did well in Hollywood week. I like her voice. Randy tries to draw it out, and Simon tells him to get on with it. She’s in. Not very good with vocabulary, that one. -28

Next up, the contestant who makes us all want to cut ourselves violently. Tatiana Del Toro. I know they’re gonna let her in. She’s annoying as crap. She’s wearing one of Pauler’s bracelets and wants the ring. Pauler happens to have it and gives it to Tatiana. Simon says it’s so generous of Pauler to promote her products on television. Simon tells Tatiana it wasn’t a unanimous decision — well, if I were the new judge rather than Kahra, I would have fought to keep her out. Kahra’s weak. -29

Nathaniel Marshall has to sing off against Jackie Midkiff. They’re friends. Jackie’s good. Kahra is now wondering why he’s in a singoff because he’s sooo good. Nathaniel never had a stable home. Simon asks Nathaniel, “What are you wearing?” He wanted to be true to himself on the last day. Nathaniel butchers “I’m Already There.” He’s crying with Jackie. “I want this so bad, but I don’t want to take away your dream.” Jackie: “It’s like our life is right now, you know? It’s not, maybe not the end. But our life is right now.” That’s, like, so profound. Nathaniel has cried himself into the top 36. I don’t get it. Jamar’s out, and this guy’s in. Just wow. -30

Jeanine Vailes is in with her violently green fingernails. Kai Kalama is in. Anne Marie Boskovich is in. Kris Allen. -34

Well, that’s 34 in so far, and now a singoff between Matt Breitske and Michael Sarver, the two hard-working men, two of the best this season. Before the break, Ryan said we wouldn’t believe the results, so I assumed they’ll both be in. And since there are two slots left and two contestants left, I’m gonna go ahead and say I’m right. Matt sings again, and it’s good that he’s already gonna be in, because I think it’s a lousy song choice. Simon asks why he chose that song. I love it. Simon doesn’t. Michael is singing his first audition song, if I recall. They’re both good, but Michael’s great, and if I had to pick, I’d go with him, easy. Simon’s all moosehead again. Simon likes them both but isn’t sure either could win. I think Michael could. Matt, maybe. They do a fake semi-debate. And WHA?? They’re both in??

And that’s 36. I totally disagree with the ouster of Jamar and the inclusion of a few of them. So say we all? So say we all. Oh, I do so love the David Cook song they’re playing. The first non-sucky winner song since Kelly Clarkson. Anyway, Scott, Michael, Stevie, Alexis, and Danny are my faves so far.

Snarkcrest OUT.

There’s more American Idol at Sirlinksalot, yo.