Yay! It’s voting time! Is it just me, or did the months of auditions go by so much faster this year than other years? Just me, then.

It’s Kahra’s first live Idolcast. I hope they told her not to drink out of Pohlah’s glass–be fun if she did, though.

[Ed: All judges’ comments may be truncated, paraphrased, or spiced up, because that’s how I roll.]

Ryan wants to know what the contestants need to focus on tonight. SARAHK: Um, singing. Singing well. Though they might get by with not sucking too much, depending on how bad the others are. Okay, so they need to focus on praying to Mother Willow to use the big mojo on the other contestants (and not sucking too much). RANDY: This is it, blow us away vocally. Gotta be in it to really win it tonight, yo. Ryan now wants to know about the nerves on a night like tonight, not for her, but for the contestants. KAHRA: You can’t let the nerves get to you. Forget it and just focus. Be yourself, go for it. RYAN: How does it feel, sitting at that table, after watching the show all these years? SARAHK [mockingly]: Yes, how does it feel? Does it feel wrong to be sitting in my seat? Does it feel like you maybe stole my job? Does it feel like you’re at the pointy end of a wooden stake called Mr. Snarky? Do you like how I just decided you’re a vampire? Does it feel like someone maybe poisoned your Coke glass? ‘Cause if so, that wasn’t me. I think it was Pohlah. She feels threatened by you. Seriously, never leave your Coke glass unattended. KAHRA: It’s incredible. It’s changed my life. SARAHK: It’s nyahn my nyahn. Cow! POHLAH: She’s been under the table, too. SARAHK: Drunk there by Pauler. You fell victim to one of the most classic blunders! The most famous is never get involved in a land war in Asia! But only slightly less well-known is this: Never go up against a Pohlah in a drinking game! KAHRA: Yes, I’ve been under the table, on it… RYAN: Paula, advice for the contestants tonight. POHLAH: You know what? This is all your dream. You gotta hit that center stage and make magic happen in a minute and twenty seconds. If not, blah blah blah, left right left, you’re going home. RYAN: Simon, I usually ask you at this stage, what do you need to do? And you say sing well. So without saying sing well, what do they need to do? SIMON: It’s slightly different this year, because there’s no second chances. Only three people are going through, so the odds are stacked against you. So you’ve got one shot. SARAHK: Unless you get called back for the wildcard round.

BTW, Simon likes Ryan’s new hair. He makes a Single White Female reference and acts like Ryan’s trying to be him/her. If you say so.

PAUSE–Fixing dinner.

So here’s the group:
Jackie Tohn, Ricky Braddy, Alexis Grace, Brent Keith, Stevie Wright, Anoop Desai, Casey Carlson, Michael Sarver, Anne Marie Boskovich, Steven Fowler, Tatiana Del Toro, Danny Gokey.

Well, the good news is they gave Danny the pimped spot. The bad news is, this is a very pimped group. Alexis, Stevie, Michael, Anne Marie, and Danny are all standouts. And then there’s Tatiana, who is sure to be the VFTW contestant. Before hearing them sing, I want Stevie, Michael, and Danny to make it through tonight, but if I have one choice, you know it’s Danny.

Jackie 01 - She’s 28, from New York. She is an entertainer for a living. She’s never wanted anything so much. She’s singing “A Little Less Conversation” by… yeah. So that’s already a no from me. You have the entire Billboard Hot 100 from the beginning of time, and you choose that song? You’d put out a lousy reh-kourd. Off you go. Oh wow, the outfit. The outfit! No, no, it’s delightful, really. Black spandex pants (are we doing spandex again already? Shouldn’t that stay away until at least the ’40s? Give us time to forget?), and the top… well, it’s this strapless getup, white with black polka dots, and this big, sashy red belt thingy? But I mean, it’s great that she’s able to get Minnie Mouse and Betty Boop to go shopping with her–Minnie doesn’t shop with just anyone. Jackie must be the poo. Oh yes, the singing. It’s very atrocious, nothing nice to say about it except that she only hit a wrong note once that I caught, which is good, staying on key. ALICE CULLEN: Total evisceration. It’s not pretty. You might want to look away. She goes home tomorrow. FRANK J./SARAHK: We’re not betting against Alice. RANDY: Check it out, baby, check it out. Way to start season 8 off. SARAHK: What? RANDY: I don’t know if I was blown away by the vocals. SARAHK: Ya think? RANDY: But you have energy, blah blah, still looking for better vocals, but it was good on the entertainment side. Good look! KAHRA: You can work a stage, girl. You have a big personality, and you showed us tonight. You showed it. That was great. And I agree with Randy, the vocals weren’t the best, but you showed us who you are tonight! SARAHK: Off you go, Kahra. Simon really wishes I was in that chair right now. RANDY: I like the trousers. SARAHK: In America, we say pants. JACKIE: The trousers like you. PAULER: They remind me of when I met Randy. JACKIE: Thank you for lending me these, by the way. POHLAH: Jackie, you got me up dancing. And I told you, I’ve always loved you, and I remember you most from the auditions. Your vocals, it wasn’t a perfect audition, but sometimes perfect is boring. You make everyone fall in love with you. SARAHK: Especially Mickey. SIMON: Um, Jackie, I do think you’ve got a good voice. I think that you actually played the clown tonight. I thought the performance was ungainly, I thought the song was a bit gimmicky. AUDIENCE: Boooouuuuuurns! SIMON: We’ve just started the show. So I don’t think you did yourself any favors, and I don’t think the public are gonna like that very much, and I think that you may have blown a great opportunity by doing something silly rather than good. And by the way, I don’t like the trousers and what you’re wearing at all. ALICE: Relieved sigh. For a minute there, I thought Kahra was a werewolf.

Jackie says everyone there is a bangin’ singer, so she wanted to show that she was the rockin’ entertainer, and no, she has no regrets whatsoever. She’ll change her mind tomorrow.

Ricky 02 - He was serving chicken fingers and going to music school, and he woke up one day and decided to do what he likes. He’s 26, from North Carolina. He’s singing “A Song for You,” Leon Russell. This is one of those songs that should be banned from American Idol, because way too many people sing it. Or I don’t know, maybe they don’t, but every time I hear this song, I now think American Idol. He has a very good voice. His falsetto is even good. I wish they’d showcased him more in the auditions, because he’s a lot better than some of the pimped ones. Not my favorite kind of music, but yummy vocals. Well done. ALICE: The judges love him, but his early placement in the show makes his future too murky. Or maybe it’s Kahra. RANDY: Now listen, this is what I’m talking about right here. I feel like this is the start of season 8 right here. That’s the jumpoff! KAHRA: I hope you feel good, because you killed that. That was amazing. Your lifts, your interpretation. It was amazing. You have an incredible gift. It was amazing to watch. Hard song. Good job! SARAHK: Was it amazing? POHLAH: You weren’t featured in the past three weeks, with so many other contestants. Make no mistake. You deserve to go very far in this competition. SIMON: Well, you know, very very good. I’m not jumping out my chair as much as you three are, because my only issue with you is I don’t think at the moment that you have star quality. Right now, I don’t think you have the self-belief or charisma right now to be what we would be looking for this year. At the moment, I think you’re a nice, shy guy with a very good voice. It was a very good vocal, I just don’t think it was quite as good as these three thought it was.

Backstage (or upstage around the tire table), Ricky gives props to the band.

Yay! iTunes downloads are back. I’m wishing I’d gotten more David Cook last year.

Alexis 03 - She’s not used to being away from her daughter every day, but she can deal. She’s bravely doing Aretha Franklin, and I think she’s the only one this season who could pull off Aretha without getting slammed. She’s singing “I Never Loved a Man.” FRANK: What is she, a lesbian? Anyway, she’s in a teeny black dress, and normally I would hate her from the off for that, but she’s just kind of adorable, and she has pink hair. I’m seriously considering doing that tomorrow when I get my hair done. I’m getting major highlights, since I can’t handle all the darkness of my hair, and I’m considering having my hair chica throw in some pink streaks. I’m leaving the business world as soon as the end of the month (or sooner, you never know), so it’s not like I’m worried about having unprofessional hair. Anyway, I’ll post pictures if I get brave, but don’t count on it–I’m a big fat chicken. Oh yes, this is supposed to be about Alexis. Well, she’s killing it, in my opinion, and yay for her. The only thing I’m not crazy about is the red red lipstick–but only because it really clashes with her hair. ALICE: They’re all over her with the love. RANDY: Yo, you know what’s crazy. You done found the dirt, you found the soul, and you know, people say to sing the blues, you’ve gotta find some pain, yo, man, you worked it OUT. I’m loving you right now. What! KAHRA: The genie is out of the bottle with you. You released something inside. It has been a pleasure to watch you come out of yourself. New girl! And I love it. I’m diggin’ it. PAULER: What people don’t expect at your young tender age of 21 is that you have the ability to present so much soul, so much passion, so much confidence. It’s strange to look at how cute and petite you are and what’s inside of you is so large. It’s fantastic, blah blah blah. Love love love. Do you see my rings? SIMON: Alexis, I think you are by a mile the best contestant we’ve had. I know we’ve only had three, but as Pauler said, you actually do have soul, and blah blah self-belief, confidence. You could be a dark horse in this competition. And you know what it reminds me of? (All together now.) Kelly Clarkson, same point, eight years ago, and we all said, whoa, this girl is one to watch. And I think you’re the same. One to watch.

I voted for her.

Brent 04 - Oh, awesome! The American Idol wheels are off! They go to the Brent clip, and it’s frozen on Stevie, and I’m like, that’s not Brent. And suddenly the craziness is on, and Ryan is trying to just chat with Brent. The producer yells that they’ve got the clip. Brent’s the one who was in the room when Pauler and Kahra went under the table. He says it was very uncomfortable, and I agree. He’s singing Jason Aldean’s “Hicktown.” I do like that he’s doing country, but you kinda have to be better to get far with country on this show, Kellie Pickler being the obvious exception. He’s just not doing it for me. He’s good, but nothing I haven’t heard at karaoke. It’s upbeat, and that’s good, but it’s still not a good song choice. I feel like he played it safe, didn’t really stretch himself much, the song doesn’t have much of a range, and he decided to just sing something comfortable for him. Too bad, because I think he has a good voice and a lot of potential, but it’s not going to be enough tonight. He’s going home. ALICE: It was just a’ight, dude. He’s out. RANDY: So yo, man, good lookin’ out. I like that you returned to the country roots. You’re like the new rockin’ country with the old country swagger. I could see you, me, and Simon at a chili cookoff. I like you, man. I think you’d make a very good country artist. Good choice. KAHRA: I like you, Brent. I think you were a little safe tonight for me. I think you have more in you than that, and I remember thinking in the auditions you had a lot of soul. And this song, it just wasn’t rangy enough for me. SARAHK: Just because I agree with her doesn’t mean she’s good enough to have my job. KAHRA: Can it, Crabby Abby! SARAHK: Are you talking to me, hooker?! Ok, I’m sorry. Hooker is harsh. Let’s move on. KAHRA: I wish you’d taken more risks. POHLAH: I want America to remember your audition. This is a safe song for you. I see you as a country western star. Look what’s happened to Josh Gracin [Ed: 4th place], look what’s happened to Bucky Covington [Ed: 7th or so?]. SARAHK: Notice she named people who didn’t win. SIMON: What has happened to Bucky Covington? I’m being serious, you know, it’s a silly thing to say. Because you’ve got one shot here, Brent, right? You’re a nice guy, you’ve got quite a nice voice, you did something which is not safe, it’s forgettable. Um, it’s not original. I don’t think you’re gonna have any impact with that song whatsoever, so I think you’ve just blown a massive opportunity by being forgettable. BRENT: Personally, I don’t think country fans are gonna forget that. FRANK: Unless they’ve been drankin’ too much moonshine. SARAHK: I only had one jug of it tonight.

Haha, Brent’s wife puts Ryan on hold in the middle of a question so she can hug her husband. Brent thinks he sang the right song, but you can tell on the way to commercial that he knows he’s done.

Stevie 05 - She’s been wanting to do this since she was nine when the show began. Does that make her only 17? Oh wow, she is? I’m surprised, I had her pegged at mid- to late-twenties. She’s going to sing Taylor Swift’s “You Belong With Me” because Simon thinks she sounds 80 when she sings, and she wants to be young tonight. Oh no. It’s way too low for her in the beginning, and she’s all kinds of shakey. She’s the first one tonight to go all pitchydawg, and it’s not good. She’s weak and nervous and so out of here. I’m really sad about it, too, because she was one of my favorites coming in. I don’t even have the heart to rag on her total ’80s thing with the turquoise shirt and pink Converse and how she should be wearing legwarmers and a headband with that kit. To make matters worse, the song is incredibly boring and mediocre even if she were at her best. Too bad, Stevie. I hearted you while it lasted. ALICE: I’m positive about the evisceration this time, and lots of unpleasantness. Also, lots of yos. RANDY: Yo, Stevie, man, yo. Wow wow look. It was my first one tonight that was not hot for me, man. Talk about being safe, that was really safe for you, and you’re a better singer. SARAHK: It should have been safe, but it was kind of a disaster. RANDY: I think if I’da seen that the first time, I don’t know if you’d be right there right now. Yo. Know what I’m sayin’? KAHRA: We wanted you to be young, but you really picked a song that has nothing to do with you. You went from “At Last” to Taylor Swift, and you’re having an identity crisis right now. Yeah, we wanted you to be young, but that song really has nothing to do with you as an artist. Ugh. PAULER: I’m going to have to agree with these two. It just wasn’t the right song for you. The low was too low for you. It wasn’t the Stevie Wright that we fell in love with. I’m so sorry, but this wasn’t it tonight. SIMON: They’ve been quite polite. I mean, Stevie, it was terrible. The song was okay, you’re out of tune, you look really nervous, out of your depth. I mean, the good news is, at least you got some experience, I guess, from this, but there is zero chance of you making it through to the next round. KAHRA: We don’t have to kill her now, do we? SARAHK: Alice? ALICE: No. She lives. SIMON: Well no, but everyone knows the rules. PAULER: America votes. SIMON: And they listen to me. You got to sing in front of 25MM people, you got some experience, look at it as a good thing. SARAHK: Especially the public stoning. Always good times, my girl.

Stevie’s mom is confused by the judges. Too young for at last, and now they don’t like the teen song she sings. A’ight, look, ma. I know you love your kid. I loved her too (my love ends when their AI tenure ends), but there’s nothing confusing about a trainwreck. It’s full of carnage. Always.

Sometimes I don’t like snarking, because it makes me sad.

Anoop 06 - He’s 22 from Chapel Hill. He wants to bring energy and sing songs that he’s wanted people to sing while he’s watched the show. He’s singing “Angel of Mine” by Monica. He’s got a good voice, but he’s boring me. I mean, I’m staring at his clothes trying to find something wrong I can snark on, because yaaaaaawwwwwwn. Now he’s offkey. Talk about forgettable. I’d like to have Minnie Boop back, and that’s saying something. ALICE: It was just okay for me, dawg. Yo. RANDY: Yo yo unintelligible ramblings yeeeah what! Interesting song choice for me for you [Ed: I love it when he says for me for you.]. I’m a huge fan, got mad love for you, but the whole song for me was a little sharp. (Paraphrasing): I don’t know if you could actually hear the music, because it sounded to me like you couldn’t. But I’m still a huge fan. It wasn’t your best. KAHRA: It’s a hard song to sing that song. I’m not sure that you have the riffs or the capability to nail it the way it needs to be nailed. But I do feel like there’s a lot of potential with you, and I like you. I believe you when you’re up there. I believe that you’re connected to what you’re singing up there. So I hope you get through. SARAHK: In other words, you were totally one of our chosen ones, and we can’t believe you sucked so bad tonight! I hope America didn’t hear what we heard, because wow, um, we already have you written down as top 12, and agh. Wow. Guess you’re in the wild card round. POHLAH: The great thing with you is that America has connected with you in a large way already. SARAHK: Really? Am I the only one who just doesn’t get what the big deal is? POHLAH: This is a different side of you, and I think whether you were a little sharp or not, blahdeblah, you’re here for a while. SARAHK: Simon, save us. SIMON: Why did you choose that song? ANOOP: That’s the first R&B song I can remember hearing on the radio. SIMON: You must have been two, then. ANOOP: It came out in the late ’90s. [1998.] SIMON: How old are you? [22] Okay. I think it was a little bit too grown up for you. People don’t know the song that well. And I think it was just a bit too serious for you. ANOOP: If I may… SARAHK: No, you may not. Shut your face. ANOOP: That song for me is all about thanks and being grateful for the people that are behind you. SIMON: Couldn’t you just sing a song called “Thank You,” then. ANOOP: I did. [He starts, to jog Simon’s memory.] SIMON: Okay, then why don’t you just thank America right now, and we’ll forget you ever sang that song, and we’ll try and remember what we liked about you before, hopefully. We’ve seen much better from you. You have massive likability, and that works in your favor. SARAHK: I don’t get it, but whatevs. Anyway, so they’re definitely putting him in the wild card round, because there’s no way he gets through on America’s votes.

Aw, his parents are adorable.

Casey 07 - She’s 20, from Minneapolis. She’s singing “Every Little Thing She Does is Magic” by The Police. But she’s singing with hims and hes. Not a good choice. Let’s talk about her clothing and then her facial expressions. Um, the outfit. The top of the dress is black, and the bottom is gold mylar and starts with a giant bow. Hideous. And she’s wearing weird boots. I can’t really describe the facial expressions, but we’ll just call them ghastly and grotesque and move on. The singing. Um. She’s obviously not comfortable with the song. She’s nervous, pitchydawg, and weak, and she reminds me of Kristin Kreuk, which makes me think of Lana Lang, and y’all see how this will devolve into a violent off-you-go. It’s not as bad as Lana Lang, but it’s not good. ALICE: You don’t want to be in the splash zone. RANDY: Wow. Yohoho. Ooooooh. That was not good for me. That was kinda weird for me. That’s an amazing song, not right for you, and kinda… weirdly karaoke for me. SARAHK: I believe what you’re looking for is eighth grade talent show, Randy. Or very drunken karaoke. [She has a very I’ll-cut-you-man look on her face now.] KAHRA: I gotta say everything about that was wrong. You’re such a beautiful girl, but you picked the Police. Nobody goes near those songs, you just don’t touch them, you leave them alone, they’re in a category of their own. I want to see you do a girly anthem, something young. And the weird dancing and motions, it was so overdone. And I had such high hopes for you, ’cause you’re a package artist, but you just fell really flat, really flat. PAULER: Casey, um, no mistaking, guys think you’re the most exquisite, beautiful girl, I hear it all the time. [Casey knows it’s bad, because Pauler is telling her she’s pretty. Next she’ll compliment the shoes.] That’s part of the package, but picking that song, there is no connection, and your phrasing was weird, and that’s a really hard song to sing, the Police, Sting, iconic. FRANK: Listening to Paula come up with criticism is… SARAHK: Painful. SIMON: How do you think it’s gone tonight? CASEY: I had fun. SIMON: Try to come up with something positive, because the singing was just atrocious. You could not have chosen a worse song, and the arrangement as well, and you shouldn’t have been allowed to sing that song, quite honestly. Apart from sounding terrible, it doesn’t tell anybody what kind of artist you want to be. It was karaoke. PAULER: And you’ve got to watch with the pulling faces and the winking. SIMON: I didn’t mind that. The winking is the least of your problems.

Casey thinks she definitely could have chosen a song. She doesn’t say this, but she’s hoping everyone’s voting on looks tonight. (Well, yes, they may be, but those people go to Danny, yo.)

Michael 08 - He’s singing “I Don’t Wanna Be” by Gavin DeGraw. He looks good. This is a terrible song choice for him. He should have gone with a ballad, something slow and sensual with big long notes. His dancing and facial expressions are offputting. This isn’t the right range for him. Most of the higher notes are in that middle range between throaty and heady where it’s mostly just airy, so he’s weak for a lot of the song. He’s a little pitchydawg, too. Kind of a huge disappointment, because he was one of the best ones in the audition rounds. ALICE: They want to love him but realize it wasn’t good, so they’re gonna really push him. Don’t worry, though. This isn’t his last week on the show. RANDY: You can definitely sing. It started out a little rough pitchwise. The first verse was a little weird. I remember you being soulful, I might like you better with the soul thing. I’m not sure it wasn’t the wrong song choice for you [I’m rather sure it was the wrong song], but I don’t know if you performed it that well is my issue. You know what I’m sayin’? KAHRA: Yeah, that’s a great crowd-pleaser song. Everybody loves to dance to it, but I don’t think that was your best performance. You’ve got more in you. What I like is you’re singing something that’s true to you. You’re likable because you are who you are and you connect with the audience, but I’ve seen you do better. PAULER: I’m not gonna be as hard as they are. I thought you did a good job. I thought you showed us a different side of you. What was confusing was that you changed hands with your mic, back and forth, and that was confusing. SARAHK: The sound still comes out of the same speakers, right? PAULER: Bo Bice sang that song, Eliott Yamin, it’s a great song, Gavin DeGraw’s a FOTS, and I’m sure you did him proud. SIMON: This is a tricky one, because what I like about this show is it does give people like you an opportunity, and I think we put you here primarily because we like you, you’re a hardworking, good, guy, blah blah. I’m not going to lie to you and say this was the best vocal I’ve ever heard, because it wasn’t. We’ve heard a lot worse tonight, and if you get through it’s because people like you. I agree with Randy about the soul thing. Actually, with you in particular, I hope America does pick up the phone and give you another shot.

I’ll vote. But not giddily.

Anne Marie 09 - She’s singing “Natural Woman.” I hate the dress. Teeny and tight and turquoise. She has a good voice, but she also has some pitchydawg problems. It’s mostly boring. The end is good. She’s actually the 2nd best girl tonight, but that ain’t saying much. My biggest complaint besides the dress: She looked really angry that this guy makes her feel like a natural woman. ALICE: They’re kind of meh about her. And they don’t think she has a big enough voice for that song. SARAHK: Well, I told you Alexis is the only one who can pull that off this year. ALICE: You’re right, BFF. RANDY: Yo yo. How do you think you did? AM: I think I did pretty good. RANDY: Here’s the deal. This song for me was just not the right choice for you. It’s weird tonight, because there have been some girls on this show who just really slayed that song, blah blah, you didn’t slay. KAHRA: It’s been a challenge for you to come out and lose the demo singer thing, and that song is so big, you have to kill it if you’re going to sing it. It also sounds old fashioned. I’m looking for you to sing something like “Love Song” by Sara Bareilles or something that’s skewed a little more fun. AM: So something not as good? Classic? [The judges are all whoa over this. I personally had to google and listen to it on YouTube. I like the song, but I don’t think I would have enjoyed it as an Idol song. They’re all… Awkward!] POHLAH: Compared to what we’ve heard from Hollywood week and your first auditions, I think you did better. I will tell you, it’s a huge song, and it’s one that requires a certain amount of soulfulness, but you didn’t play it safe. That’s what you gotta do. SIMON: If I’m being ohh-nest with you, and I’ve used this before, and if we were searching for the best hotel singer in California, then that would have been quite good. But I think it just destroyed you. But the simple truth is your voice is not good enough for that song. It goes over well in a crowd like here, easy to please, but blah blah irrelevant.

Stephen 10 - He shouldn’t even be there. He forgot his lyrics and walked off on the last night of Hollywood week. Yet Jamar sits in the audience, and Stephen is singing “Rock With You” by Michael Jackson. Maybe this is the one song in the world that he knows. He looks good. I dig that shirt and those jeans. He has a good voice, but what a freaking boring song he chose. Ugh, I can’t wait for it to be over. He’s wasting a good voice on a yawner. He’s trying to spice it up and throw in long notes, but it’s just not doing it for me, and he’s a little just… off. ALICE: They’re just not that into him. RANDY: Yo. A’ight. I don’t know what’s goin’ on, but the funny thing for me with you is the first time we saw you, it was a different kind of vibe. Not the joint for you to be singing. Other than the high note, you started off, you were right underneath the notes. It wasn’t good. KAHRA: Yeah. You know, I got more from you when you were at the piano and forgot the lyrics. Because I felt you were connected. You were playing piano, you were singing from your heart, riffing. STEPHEN: I’m not 100% comfortable singing without the piano yet. POHLAH: Stephen, it’s such a rare opportunity to get a 2nd chance like you did, and I’m glad you remembered the lyrics to that song, but it would have been better for you to come out here and prove that you could sing the David Cook song [the one he forgot]. Singing “Rock With You” is like the kiss of death. It belongs to one artist, and that’s Michael Jackson. I’m disappointed. SIMON: I actually wish you had forgotten the lyrics. It was such a pointless performance. Someone of your experience, wants this so badly, to do that awful song with that awful arrangement, with that awful keyboard [looking at the band], whatever that was. That was atrocious. The last ten seconds were good, but you’re gonna watch this back and really realize that you’ve made a huge mistake. You know what? It was corny. And you’re not a corny guy.

Tatiana 11 - I hate to say this, but she may have to save us from the dreadful night so far. I like her strange dress. She’s singing Whitney, which is kind of a kiss of death, but who knows, when she’s not laughing or being dramatic, she may surprise me. “I’m Saving All My Love for You,” by the way. It’s actually pretty good most of the way through but gets screechy near the end. I’m totally not blown away, but it’s not bad. Understated, nice. The shampoo commercial pose at the end is just priceless. Whatevs, I’ll vote for that. She’s singing Whitney, and I don’t have the inclination to stick ice picks in my ears? Good on her. But I save my vote until after the judging in case she annoys the crap out of me. ALICE: The judges are looking for anything decent tonight, so they’re not overly critical. RANDY: When I heard you were singing this song, I was like, oh, no, but you know what? You had some moments there where I was like she can sing. I mean, you didn’t pull the whole thing together, that 2nd verse was weird, but there were moments! SARAHK: Ok. You put her into the top 36, and you’re surprised she can actually sing? What’s wrong with this picture? KAHRA: It’s like a roller coaster ride with you. I never know what you’re going to pull, and tonight it’s like a very reserved Tatiana. There were moments, you hit some of those notes, and you can sing, but it’s who are you in the industry? Where do you fit? Who is Tatiana? Is she a character, or is she an artist? TATIANA: I fit everywhere. PAULER: I think you probably are the most talked about contestant on the show so far. This demure Tatiana I’m not used to. I will say that especially your closing note was beautiful, but you also had pitchy moments. And who are you tonight? Are you crazy? I miss the crazy! SARAHK: Paula sometimes doesn’t like being the most crazy person on the show. SIMON: You are a complete and utter drama queen, right? I’ve never met anyone in my life, with the exception of Paula, who wants to be famous so badly. Re: singing: Actually, surprisingly, it wasn’t bad at all. It was actually better than I expected. But Pohlah’s right, you’ve got to quit this demure thing. Do something. Do the funny laugh. TATIANA: My friends say they’ve never heard me laugh that way, so I don’t even remember how to do it.

She’s still subdued backstage. But then she does give a speech, so she’s back, sorta.

Danny 12 - Smokey Gokey is up (best I can do off the top of my head, yo). He’s 28, from Milwaukee, a church music director. He’s singing Mariah Carey’s “Hero.” If he does it well, it’s a great song choice. Going opposite sex on Idol is your best bet. He looks good, I love the shirt, love the jeans. His hair goes straight up (and he’s bloody stupid). Uhm, I’m sorry I couldn’t type just then, because once he went up to the higher notes, I got all tingly and excited and schoolgirly and I had my hands in the air in victory, and yay! He’s so good! Winnah! AW! He’s still wearing his wedding ring, and that makes me love him even more. ALICE: He’s through to the next round. And you’re drooling. Can you stop with the drooling? That’s my shirt! SARAHK: Sorry. [Kahra and Pohlah are fairly orgasmic over the whole event. Randy’s excited. Simon is English.] RANDY: Yo! Yo! The redeemer of the whole night! That was blazing hot! KAHRA: Danny, you are the hero! That was incredible! You give us all hope! That was great! POHLAH: Danny, you’re stellar, and I have two words with a hyphen. Sold-out arenas. SARAHK: Thank goodness she didn’t forget the hyphen. SIMON: Back to the real world. I mean, it was good. Sorry. It wasn’t fantastic, it was good. The end was great, beginning was okay, the arrangement was a bit heavy-handed. You are a very good singer. I like you. I’m just not buying the hype yet. So much. SARAHK: That’s because you’re not a woman. Looks like Robert Downey Jr (pre-substance abuse and post-rehab), voice like buttah, it’s not hype, Simon. It’s the real thing. Maybe a smidgen of hype, but at least with this one, the hype is coming from the fans and not the show.

Here’s my ranking (*s are votes):
Danny*****
Alexis*
Ricky*
Tatiana*
Michael*
Anne Marie
Brent
Anoop
Stephen
Jackie
Casey
Stevie

ALICE: Danny, Alexis, and Tatiana get voted through. Also, I see you becoming one of us. SARAHK: AWEsome!

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