Hey, peeps! I did get my hair done tonight, as I said I would. I didn’t get brave and have her color my hair pink. But I some how ended up with either rockstar hair (I came in, and Frank said Kelly Clarkson hair) or the hair of a thirty-two-year-old woman trying to look like a twenty-two-year-old woman. It’s debatable, and if my stylist hadn’t flat-ironed my hair, I’d post a picture for you and let everyone except Cadet Happy vote. But the flat iron makes me look like death, so you lose.

Ryan asks Randy if he was happy with last night. Yeah, he was. What? Did he even see the same show? From the cheap seats, it was the big giant suck. Kara thought it was a good show. Definitely some standouts, and a few people disappointed (Stevie, Casey, Stephen, Simon). I like that Kahra’s willing to name names, unlike Pauler. Whoa. Ryan goes with the “I don’t mean after the show, guys” joke. Simon says last night was amazing, and he’s totally sarcastic. I love him.

Oh yay! Group sing! “I’m Yours” — wait. They’re gonna butcher Mr. A to Z? I’ll cut someone if it’s awful. Oh, um, it must have been, because about two seconds in… cut to a Ford commercial! And it never came back. Awesome. Y’all tell me if sounded like a Hoover.

Ryan says the votes are in! Wahoo! I was worried. Ok, I kinda miss Ryan’s fauxhawk thingy. But he’s still a cutey pie.

They’re recapping, and I don’t know if it’s our local affiliate or what, but the show is all kinds of hosed tonight. It’s skipping, cutting to commercial, the sound is freaking out… It’s a little annoying.

Ryan wants to chat. Jackie, how would you rate your performance last night? JACKIE: Like on a school report card or at the Olympics? [School.] 91. She’s wearing a voodoo doll or something on her ear.

Anoop is the most nervous he’s ever been, because Ryan’s within kissing distance, and he’s wondering if he’s about to have to dis the kiss on national TV. Don’t worry, Anoop. If Ryan hasn’t kissed Simon in front of the camera in eight years, you’re probably safe.

Tatiana is humbled and flipping her hair around.

Stevie’s just proud she got this far. She’s playing her mom’s confusion line from last night, and it wasn’t the young song, Stevie. It was the suckitude.

*Casey is center stage. Ryan asks Randy if Casey should stay in. Randy says based on last night, no. Casey’s not in the top 12.
*Stephen’s up. He says, as long as you can’t say I sounded bad, you know… Kahra doesn’t think he did enough last night and needs to play to his strengths. Stephen’s not in the top 12.
*Alexis is next. She should be in. We can’t see her eyes because of her hat. Ryan can’t finish the name of her song. (”I Never Loved a Man.”) Come on, Ryan. Make it harder on me. Plz. Alexis is in! Alice is one-for-one.

ALICE CULLEN: Of course she is. Now let’s talk about the look. I love the skin-tone. Very… undead. Actually, the whole getup is good, but show us those baby butterscotches, baby–give me the hat.

Alexis sings again, and I love her. But Alice is right–ditch the hat, we can’t see your eyes. It’s like half a face is singing to us, and that’s a little creepy.

*RandyRicky and Jackie come up to center stage together. ALICE: I’m sorry, Ryan. I have to interrupt. Give me the rat hanging from your ear, Jackie. Give it, or I’ll bite.

RandyRicky is not in the top twelve.
Jackie is not in the top twelve.

*Michael and Anoop are up together. Michael is in the top 12. ALICE: It’s as I thought. Kahra’s a werewolf. SARAHK: I still love you, Tiny Dancer. Uhm, I hope VFTW isn’t working at full strength yet. I have to admit I’m a little scared for Danny, because Tatiana, the inexplicable juggernaut, still looms. But I think he’ll edge past her.

Y’all, I just went to the bathroom, and I caught my reflection. I fear it.

Oh, I would love that David Cook/Carrie Underwood duet from the Disney thingy. And they’re only about a year late on opening this Idol thing at Disney. I did only live an hour and a half from there, for three very long long long long long long years. Toolboxes.

*Carly Smithson & Michael Johns are center stage together. Carly’s airline lost her hair for the Orlando thing. Michael has an album coming out in May. This pleases me. I shall buy it. These two are dueting on “The Letter.” Michael’s shiny girl suit is making me crush on him a teensy bit less.

Don’t forget. Watch Dollhouse again this week. Don’t let them kill another Joss show from the off.

*Anne Marie gets her verdict next. Brent too. Stevie too. Ryan asks Randy to size up the three. He doesn’t think they’re in. ALICE: Duh.

None of them make the top 12.

*It’s down to Danny and Tatiana. Tatiana fixes her hair. She doesn’t know how she feels. Okay, I kinda prefer crazy Tatiana. Ryan asks Pauler who deserves the spot. PAULER: It’s hard to say. ALICE: It’s easy to say. PAULER: Danny. SARAHK: Did Pauler actually give an opinion? ALICE: It will be her only one of the season. If she decides to give another, the fabric of the universe will split in two, and we will all die. Well, you will all die. I’ll re-die.

*It’s after the break. Ryan asks Tatiana, “What did the psychic say happens here?” ALICE: Oh, um, she’s in the wildcard round, but Danny gets through tonight. Next time, Ryan, you may address me personally. TATIANA: It’s up to America, it’s up to the power of love, it’s up to faith, and it’s up to challenge and hard work. I’m so blessed to be here. ALICE: That’s so totally not what I said. RYAN: Danny, what’s going through your mind? DANNY: I just wanna find out.

DANNY’S IN THE TOP 12!

Tatiana is quiet and, surprisingly, not trying to sing another song to convince America to keep her. Don’t worry, girlfriend. Alice says you’ll be back for the wildcard round. So Jasper says chillax.

Danny is singing, and I am a little swoony. Pardon.

Sirlinksalot has lots more American Idol.