I always wish Seacrest would start the show by saying, “Yeah, Jasmine and Jorge are going home. I quit this joint.” Then throw his cards at Simon and yell one final “Seacrest. OUT!” But anyway, this is American Idol. Ryan’s going on about how some people left the competition too early. Introducing the Judges’ Save(TM). This year, up until the top five, the judges can save a contestant from elimination once, and it has to be unanimous. If they choose to save the person who would have gone home, no one goes home that week, but two go home the next week. I bet tonight, they’ll save someone who doesn’t deserve saving just to demonstrate how it works.

The kids live in a ginormous mansion now. Wouldn’t you hate to clean that thing?

As a reward for being good viewers, we’re now subjected to a Jackson 5 medley. Haha, Danny has a goofy solo dance.

“We Will Rock You” is the Ford video. I kind of almost look forward to them now, and I apologize for that.

Michael is safe.
Non-cutter Allison is safe. Yay!
Jasmine has to come center stage. She’s wearing some sort of turkey dreamcatcher around her neck.
Matt is safe.
Kris is… don’t know yet.
Megan… is wearing a string of hackey sacks around her neck.
Kris is safe.
Megan goes to meet Jasmine center stage.
Megan is safe, and she says into Jasmine’s ear and someone’s mic, “The judges love you. They’ll save you.” Or some such.
Jasmine is headed home unless the judges save her. So now she sings for her supper while the judges chat. I don’t know. I think they might surprise us and let her leave. Which means they know another of their faves is headed home, and they’d rather save the other one. And is that a Carrie Underwood cover of “Home Sweet Home”? Well, yes it is, and I’ve just downloaded it from iTunes.

Kanye West now performs for us. This guy, I swear. Ok, I can’t make it all the way through. If he were a contestant, this would be a major off-you-go moment. I love how he’s sagging skinny jeans. What a tool.

Scott is safe. Yay!
Dirty Alexis is safe.
Danny is safe. Yay!!!
Anoop has to go center stage.
Adam stands up, and the tweeners go nuts. He’s safe.
Jorge is… don’t know yet.
Lil is… wearing sleeves and not sporting man trousers.
Jorge goes center stage.
Lil is safe.

ATB, Kelly Clarkson is here to sing “My Life Would Suck Without You.” She’s great, as always, and I love her. Ordered that CD today.

Anoop is safe. Jorge is at the mercy of the judges. Jorge has to sing. I don’t think they’ll save him. While they’re supposedly deliberating, Pohlar and Kahra are dancing, and Randy and Simon are talking.

At the end, Ryan asks Simon. Will you save him? Simon gets right to the point. “No.”

Alright then. Alice is two-for-two last night.

I quit this joint (until next week). SarahK OUT.