This is American Idol.

Someone named Lady Gaga is here. Never heard of her. Oh, and David Cook! Heard of him, love him.

Kahra’s happy she gets heckled by the audience now, because it means she’s, like, one of the gang. No, Kahra. You’ll never be one of the gang. Simon is asked who should leave tonight. Anoop, Matt, Megan should be worried, he says. Hmm. Someone’s reading Snark Raving Mad, yo. Mwah, much love to you, Simon. You’ve always been my favorite.

They’re doing “Don’t Stop Believing” for their group song. Great, now every time that song is mentioned, Randy will have to tell us all how he was in the auditorium when the top nine did that song. Ok, the lip synching is killing me. This is the most blatantly obvious it’s been, because Scott’s standing at the keyboard, and they didn’t make sure he would know where the microphone is, so he’s like singing a foot away from the mic, facing the wrong direction, for his solo. Adam and Danny are the only ones who do it convincingly. And what’s with the closeup on Lil’s boob? At least my eye wasn’t drawn in the direction of her armpits, because I’m not sure I could have handled that again.

Behind the scenes, busy schedule for the Idols.

All the Idols are impersonating each other. Matt does Danny. Danny does Matt. Anoop does Kris. Allison does Danny. It’s cute, I laugh.

Megan, Matt, Kris have to stand up. They’re grouped on the far side of the stage. This is the triplets night, I guess. And my guess is they’ll switch Kris out of that group and put him elsewhere.

Adam, Lil, Allison go to center stage.

Scott, Danny, Anoop stand on the near side of the stage. They’ll switch Anoop with Kris. But not yet. First, a break. Oh, or they may witch Kris and Scott. No, I’ll stick with Alice’s bottom three.

David Cook performs now, and I heart him. He’s pretty pitchydawg on the falsetto, but ask me if I think less of him for it. No. I don’t. See previous where I said I heart him. Ryan and the pretty girls present him with his Platinum record onstage. Yay for him!

Hey, I wonder if Ryan’s gonna say, “Kris, you’re going home. Oh, April Fool! It’s really you, Megan.” That’d be awesome for Kris, not so awesome for Megan. Golden for your lovely couch dweller.

Kris is… safe!
Matt is safe! I’m guessing Allison will be in the bottom three in his place.
Megan is… retarded. She’s in the bottom three, and she flies and caws or something all the way to the Tool Stool.
Lil is safe.
Allison is in the bottom three.
Adam is safe.

I am truly awed by the multitude of glasses that Danny owns. He must spend a fortune on spectacles.

Danny is safe! Yay! w00t!
Scott is safe.
Anoop is in the bottom three.

Megan, Allison, Anoop in the bottom three. I’ll be fine with any of those leaving. Allison’s losing steam…

Someone named Lady Gaga is performing now. She sings well, plays the piano well… but Frank and I are wondering if this is an April Fool’s joke? I cannot do her look justice, so I refrain. And now that the flailing zombies are dancing around her, we’re 100% positive this is in honor of April 1st. Seriously, we can’t stop laughing over here. This is better than Gmail’s April Fool’s joke. This chick is like Britney plus Michael Flatley plus a whole lot of crack. I’m so bemused.

After the song, Megan is acting like Pauler, if you know what I mean.

Allison is safe.

Megan’s acting all kinds of crazy. Earlier in the show, Ryan asked her about Simon’s comments, and she said, “Simon, I love you, but I don’t care.” So now, Ryan asks if they’ll consider saving Megan. Simon says, “With respect, you said you don’t care. Nor do we. So I’m not going to pretend we’re gonna contemplate saving you. So this is your swan song. Enjoy.”

So she’s acting high during the swan song. Turn your lights down low, she says. How ’bout I turn my volume down low?

Night, peeps.