The Amazing Race: Flight Time–YOUR NAME HAS TIME IN IT. I was so embarrassed when you couldn’t tell time (I’m hoping it was a brain fart) that I wanted to bake you a pie. But hey, who needs to tell analog time when you can weigh gold on a digital scale? Mica–Sigh. You’re on The Amazing Race. There will always be heights, and there will always be water. My fear? Being forced to wear a swimsuit on national TV. Also, the ocean. And cockroaches. Therefore, before going on TAR, I would make peace with the fact that I would have to swim half-naked in the ocean with cockroaches attached to my face and a cameraman two feet away. Just the way of the race, girlfriend. That said, I wanted to attack Canaan’s face for being such a douche to you when you had your meltdown. I kinda thought it was funny when the Globetrotters harassed you, but I also kinda wanted to punch them.

Castle: The Meta stuff at the beginning got me so excited I almost peed my pants. Castle dressed up as Mal, his daughter asking him, “Didn’t you wear that costume like five years ago?” “So?” “Don’t you think you should move on?” Hahahahaha. And then the reference to Buffy. This is a must-watch episode, and if you haven’t seen it, find it on the interwebz and watch it.

Big Bang Theory: Rerun, and we have it on DVD.

DWTS: See here.

Vampire Diaries: This is my first time watching. Getting a second DVR just so I can see this show, because I’m a vampire nerd. Wait. So the hot one is the bad vamp and the ugly one is the good vamp? I guess that makes sense in a Buffy kind of way (hot=bad), but I’m kinda rooting for Damon. And thanking LOST for killing him off so he could come back as a vamp. Also, the opening titles–they couldn’t get a real font?

Really?

The Middle: “They’re my security condiments!” I love this freaky little kid. Frank and I whisper things after saying them a lot now. “It’s not that he was even bad. He was just. . . weird.” I love the Janitor-turned-dad, too. “Okay. I’m done talking to you now.” Brick sounds like me at the end of my phone conversations. I actually say that. “Okay. I’m done talking to you now.”

The Office: “Yes, I am the popular social networking site known as Bookface.” I love Darryl, who’s all, “I asked for a list.” The bit with Pam & Andy was just weird. “Looks like someone’s got a case of the definitelys.”

Community: “This won’t work. The last time you did this, I saved a vial of your tears, and I’ve been building up an immunity.” Hahahaha.

Parks & Recreation: “Did he hire a fake mom to get him out of trouble again?”

30 Rock: “Lemon, your breath! When did you find time to eat a dirty diaper that you found on the beach?”

Modern Family: Really? First day of school at the end of October? Our DVR said this wasn’t a rerun, so I’m truly baffled by this. But it was a funny ep.

CSI: Nighttime: Hey, when did Sara Sidle come back? And why isn’t she in the opening credits? Can you tell this is the first episode I’ve been able to watch this season? Had to make a choice, and CSI lost.

Smallville: Oh, Clark, quit acting like a girl and just take charge. Why don’t ya kiss her instead of talking her to death! OH! YEAH! FINALLY!

Stargate Universe: So the plot of every episode is going to be… they go to a planet, they have a limited amount of time to get back to the ship, something bad happens, and they barely make it back in time. Got it.

Discuss!